Why Do Compliments Feel Awkward To Receive Cultural Conditioning Explained

It happens in meetings, social gatherings, even casual conversations: someone offers a genuine compliment—“You did an amazing job on that presentation,” or “I love your style”—and instead of feeling proud, you freeze. Your face flushes. You deflect with a joke, downplay your effort, or say something like, “Oh, it was nothing.” Why does a simple kind word trigger such discomfort? The answer lies not in personal failing, but in deep-seated cultural conditioning that shapes how we perceive praise, self-worth, and humility.

This phenomenon is more common than many realize. Across cultures, individuals report feeling uneasy when praised, often responding in ways that unintentionally reject the compliment. But understanding the roots of this reaction can transform how we relate to both others and ourselves. By unpacking the psychological and sociocultural forces at play, we can begin to receive kindness with openness rather than resistance.

The Psychology Behind Compliment Avoidance

At its core, discomfort with compliments stems from a conflict between external validation and internal self-perception. When someone praises us, they are assigning value to our actions, appearance, or character. If our internal narrative doesn’t align with that positive assessment—perhaps due to low self-esteem or imposter syndrome—we experience cognitive dissonance. Accepting the compliment feels dishonest; rejecting it restores balance, albeit temporarily.

Psychologists refer to this as the “self-enhancement vs. self-verification” dilemma. We want to feel good about ourselves (self-enhancement), but we also seek consistency in how we see ourselves (self-verification). If someone calls you brilliant but you believe you’re average, accepting the label creates tension. It’s easier to dismiss the compliment than to reevaluate your self-image.

Additionally, receiving praise can trigger social anxiety. There’s pressure in the moment to respond appropriately—too much gratitude might seem arrogant, too little might appear rude. This split-second performance anxiety amplifies discomfort, especially for those raised in environments where attention or praise was scarce or conditional.

Tip: When you feel flustered by a compliment, pause for two seconds before responding. A simple “Thank you” is always enough.

Cultural Norms That Shape Our Reactions

While individual psychology plays a role, culture exerts a powerful influence on how we interpret and respond to praise. In many societies, particularly collectivist cultures such as Japan, South Korea, and parts of Latin America, humility is deeply valued. Openly accepting praise is seen as boastful or self-centered. Instead, deflecting compliments—by denying them or shifting credit to others—is a way of maintaining group harmony and showing modesty.

In contrast, individualistic cultures like the United States and Western Europe often encourage self-expression and personal achievement. Here, accepting a compliment is viewed as a sign of confidence and emotional intelligence. Yet even in these contexts, people struggle. Why? Because beneath the surface, subcultures and family dynamics reinforce different norms. A person raised in a household where “pride comes before a fall” may have internalized the idea that acknowledging one’s strengths is dangerous or distasteful.

These early messages become automatic scripts. When praised, we don’t consciously think, “I must deflect to avoid seeming arrogant.” Instead, we react instinctively, shaped by years of subtle reinforcement. A child told “Don’t get a big head” after excelling in school learns to associate recognition with risk. Over time, the ability to simply say “thank you” erodes.

“We are taught to be humble, but rarely taught how to be humbly grateful. There’s a difference between pride and presence when receiving kindness.” — Dr. Lena Torres, Cultural Psychologist, University of Toronto

Gender, Power, and Social Expectations

Gender roles further complicate our relationship with compliments. Women, in particular, are often socialized to be agreeable, nurturing, and unassuming. Research shows that women are more likely than men to deflect or minimize compliments, especially those related to appearance or competence. A woman praised for her leadership in a meeting might respond with, “It was really a team effort,” even when she led the project solo. This isn’t false modesty—it’s a survival strategy in environments where assertive women are labeled “bossy” or “difficult.”

Men, on the other hand, may feel pressure to accept compliments confidently, yet still struggle internally. Admitting vulnerability or gratitude can clash with traditional masculine ideals of stoicism and self-reliance. As a result, some men respond to praise with humor or deflection (“Hey, I just got lucky”), avoiding any appearance of needing validation.

Power dynamics also shape responses. Subordinates may feel uneasy accepting praise from superiors, fearing it sets unrealistic expectations. Similarly, marginalized individuals may distrust praise from dominant-group members, wondering if it’s patronizing or performative. These layers make the act of receiving a compliment far more complex than a simple exchange of kindness.

A Real-Life Scenario: Maria’s Experience

Maria, a 34-year-old project manager in Chicago, grew up in a Mexican-American household where overt praise was rare. Her parents expressed love through acts of service, not words. When she received her first major promotion, her boss publicly commended her during a team meeting. Colleagues clapped. She smiled, but inside, she felt a wave of panic.

“My immediate thought was, ‘Now I have to prove I deserve this every single day,’” she recalls. Later, when a coworker said, “You’ve completely transformed how we run these projects,” Maria responded, “Oh, I just followed the template.” She didn’t mean to dismiss the praise—she genuinely didn’t know how to hold space for it.

It wasn’t until she attended a leadership workshop focused on emotional intelligence that she realized her pattern. “I was taught that being quiet and hardworking was virtuous. Accepting a compliment felt like bragging, even if I didn’t say anything extra.” With practice, Maria began experimenting with new responses. At first, she wrote down phrases like “Thank you, I worked hard on that” and rehearsed them. Over time, they became natural.

Her story illustrates how cultural conditioning operates below awareness—and how intentional rewiring is possible.

How to Rewire Your Response: A Step-by-Step Guide

Breaking free from conditioned reactions takes mindfulness and repetition. Here’s a practical approach to help you receive compliments with greater ease:

1. Pause and Breathe: When a compliment comes, resist the urge to respond immediately. Take a breath. This small delay disrupts the automatic deflection reflex.
2. Listen Fully: Focus on the speaker’s words without filtering them through self-doubt. Let the compliment land before reacting.
3. Respond Simply: Say “Thank you.” No qualifiers. No explanations. Just gratitude. You can add a brief acknowledgment if it feels natural (“Thank you, I appreciate that”).
4. Reflect Later: After the interaction, ask yourself: Why did I feel uncomfortable? Was it fear of expectation? Fear of appearing arrogant? Journaling helps uncover patterns.
5. Practice Daily: Replay past compliments in your mind and imagine responding with grace. Visualization builds neural pathways for real-life situations.

Tip: If saying “thank you” feels too difficult at first, try nodding with a smile. Nonverbal acceptance is a valid starting point.

Do’s and Don’ts of Receiving Compliments

Do	Don’t
Say “Thank you” with eye contact	Dismiss the compliment (“It was nothing”)
Accept the moment of connection	One-up with a bigger achievement (“Wait till you see my next project!”)
Express appreciation for the giver’s attention	Shift credit entirely to others (“Really, it was all Sam”)
Allow silence after your response	Over-explain or justify your success
Use the moment to build rapport	Question the sincerity (“Are you just saying that?”)

Building a Healthier Relationship with Praise

Learning to receive compliments gracefully isn’t about ego inflation—it’s about emotional maturity. When we reject kindness, we not only invalidate the giver’s intent but also reinforce a narrow view of ourselves. Each time we deflect, we signal that we’re unworthy of recognition. Over time, this erodes self-trust.

Conversely, accepting praise opens the door to deeper connections. It allows others to express care and admiration freely. It models vulnerability and authenticity. And it gradually reshapes our internal narrative: “I am capable. I am seen. I am allowed to take up space.”

Some cultures are beginning to shift. Younger generations, influenced by mental health awareness and inclusive communication practices, are more open to affirmations. Workplaces are adopting “kudos” boards and peer recognition programs. These changes reflect a growing understanding that dignity includes the right to be acknowledged without shame.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do I feel guilty when someone compliments me?

Guilt often arises when there’s a mismatch between your self-view and the praise you receive. If you were raised to believe that self-promotion is wrong or that humility means denying your strengths, accepting a compliment may feel like a moral violation. Recognizing this as learned behavior—not truth—can help reduce guilt over time.

Is it okay to question a compliment?

Directly questioning someone’s sincerity (“Do you really mean that?”) can put them on the defensive and undermine trust. If you’re unsure, focus on gratitude instead: “I really appreciate you saying that.” This honors their effort while giving you space to process.

What if the compliment feels insincere?

Even well-meaning praise can sometimes feel hollow. In such cases, respond politely (“Thank you”) without investing emotional energy into analyzing intent. You can’t control others’ motives, but you can choose how you carry the interaction.

Conclusion: Embracing the Gift of Recognition

Compliments are not transactions—they are gestures of human connection. When someone takes the time to notice and affirm you, they are offering a piece of their attention, which is among the most valuable gifts in a distracted world. Rejecting that gift, however instinctive, closes a door to mutual respect and belonging.

Cultural conditioning runs deep, but it is not destiny. By understanding the roots of our discomfort—whether rooted in humility, gender norms, or self-doubt—we gain the power to respond differently. Start small. Say “thank you” without apology. Notice how it feels. Repeat.

💬 Ready to transform your relationship with praise? Practice one graceful response this week. Share your experience in the comments—your journey might inspire someone else to do the same.