Why Is ASMR So Relaxing For Some People But Annoying For Others

For millions around the world, ASMR—Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response—is a nightly ritual. Soft whispers, gentle tapping, or the crinkle of paper can trigger tingling sensations along the scalp and spine, easing anxiety and lulling listeners into deep relaxation. Yet for just as many, these same sounds are grating, cringe-inducing, or even physically uncomfortable. Why does a phenomenon that brings calm to one person provoke irritation in another? The answer lies at the intersection of neurology, psychology, and individual sensory sensitivity.

Understanding this divide isn’t just about personal preference—it reveals deeper truths about how our brains process sound, emotion, and social cues. By exploring the science behind ASMR, we can better appreciate both its therapeutic potential and its limitations across different listeners.

The Science Behind ASMR: What Happens in the Brain?

ASMR is characterized by a pleasurable tingling sensation typically beginning in the head and moving down the neck and spine. It’s often triggered by specific auditory or visual stimuli—whispering, slow hand movements, tapping, or personal attention scenarios like haircuts or medical exams.

Neuroimaging studies suggest that during ASMR experiences, regions of the brain associated with emotional regulation, empathy, and reward become more active. A 2018 study published in Social Neuroscience found that individuals who experience ASMR show increased connectivity between the default mode network (involved in self-referential thought) and areas related to emotional arousal and interoception (the sense of the body from within).

This neural pattern mirrors what occurs during mindfulness or gentle social bonding. In fact, researchers speculate that ASMR may mimic the neurological effects of nurturing touch or close interpersonal contact—something especially valuable in times of isolation.

“ASMR appears to tap into ancient social grooming behaviors. The brain interprets soft sounds and attentive gestures as signs of safety and care.” — Dr. Giulia Poerio, Cognitive Scientist, University of Essex

However, not all brains respond the same way. For those who don’t experience ASMR, these same triggers may fail to activate calming circuits—or worse, stimulate areas linked to discomfort and aversion.

Sensory Processing Differences: The Key to Divergent Reactions

One of the most compelling explanations for why ASMR affects people differently lies in sensory processing sensitivity (SPS). SPS refers to how acutely individuals perceive and react to environmental stimuli such as light, sound, smell, and touch.

People high in SPS—often referred to as “highly sensitive persons” (HSPs)—tend to process sensory data more deeply. They’re more likely to notice subtle shifts in tone, enjoy soft textures, and feel overwhelmed in loud environments. These individuals are also significantly more likely to experience ASMR.

In contrast, people with lower sensory sensitivity may find ASMR triggers underwhelming or irrelevant. But there’s a more complex group: those whose sensory systems interpret certain sounds as threatening or irritating. This includes people with misophonia—a condition where specific sounds (like chewing, whispering, or pen clicking) provoke intense emotional reactions, including anger or disgust.

Because many ASMR triggers overlap with misophonic sounds (e.g., lip smacking, breathing, whispering), it’s no surprise that someone with misophonia might react negatively to ASMR content. Their limbic system—the brain’s emotional center—may interpret these sounds not as soothing, but as intrusive or aggressive.

Tip: If ASMR makes you uncomfortable, consider whether you might be sensitive to specific frequencies or patterns. Not reacting positively doesn’t mean something is wrong—it reflects your unique neurology.

Psychological and Emotional Factors Influencing ASMR Reception

Beyond biology, psychological context plays a major role in how ASMR is received. The effectiveness of ASMR often depends on expectations, mood, and past associations with similar stimuli.

For example, someone who associates whispering with intimacy or comfort—perhaps from childhood memories of being read to—may find whispered ASMR deeply relaxing. Conversely, if whispering reminds someone of secretive conversations or eavesdropping, the same audio could evoke unease.

Personality traits also matter. Research has linked ASMR responsiveness to higher levels of openness to experience and agreeableness—traits associated with imagination, empathy, and receptivity to new sensations. Those low in these traits may simply lack the cognitive framework to engage with ASMR’s subtle, abstract nature.

Moreover, ASMR often relies on role-play scenarios—virtual haircuts, doctor visits, or studying together. These work best when the viewer can suspend disbelief and emotionally “enter” the scene. People who struggle with immersion or have difficulty focusing on non-narrative content may find such videos dull or awkward rather than soothing.

Case Study: Two Listeners, One Video

Consider two colleagues, Maya and Leo, watching the same 15-minute ASMR video featuring gentle brushing sounds and soft-spoken affirmations.

Maya, an introverted artist who describes herself as highly empathetic, closes her eyes after a stressful day. Within minutes, she feels a wave of warmth spread from her scalp down her back. Her breathing slows. She falls asleep halfway through, waking refreshed.

Leo, an analytical engineer who dislikes background noise while working, tries the same video to help with insomnia. He finds the whispering unnatural and the brushing repetitive. After five minutes, he feels increasingly irritated. “It’s like someone’s trying too hard to be calming,” he says later. “I just want silence.”

Their reactions aren’t random. Maya’s sensory profile and emotional openness make her receptive to ASMR’s nuances. Leo’s preference for cognitive control and minimal auditory distraction makes the experience feel intrusive. Both responses are valid—and rooted in measurable psychological dimensions.

Do’s and Don’ts of ASMR Consumption

To help navigate the polarizing nature of ASMR, here’s a practical guide for exploring it mindfully.

Do’s	Don’ts
Try different triggers (tapping, crinkling, speaking styles) to find what works	Force yourself to continue if a video causes discomfort
Use headphones for immersive binaural audio effects	Expect immediate results—some need repeated exposure
Pair ASMR with other relaxation practices like dim lighting or deep breathing	Watch in a distracting or noisy environment
Explore creator intentions—some focus on mindfulness, others on entertainment	Assume all ASMR is the same; styles vary widely

How to Find Your Ideal ASMR Triggers: A Step-by-Step Guide

If you're curious about ASMR but unsure where to start—or if previous attempts left you frustrated—follow this structured approach to discover whether and how ASMR can serve you.

1. Start with a quiet environment. Eliminate distractions. Use over-ear headphones for full stereo effect.
2. Choose a variety of short videos (under 10 minutes). Sample different categories: tapping, whispering, role-play, nature sounds.
3. Focus on bodily sensations, not just sound. Notice any tingling, warmth, or relaxation—even subtle ones.
4. Rate each session honestly. Did it relax you? Irritate you? Have no effect? Keep a simple log.
5. Repeat promising triggers. Some people need multiple exposures before responding.
6. Adjust volume and timing. Lower volumes may be less abrasive. Try daytime vs. bedtime sessions.
7. Stop if you feel annoyed. Discomfort is a signal—not a failure. Explore alternatives like white noise or music instead.

This method removes pressure and transforms ASMR exploration into a personalized sensory experiment.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can you develop ASMR sensitivity over time?

Some people report becoming more responsive to ASMR after repeated exposure, particularly when they learn what types of triggers suit them. However, others never develop the response—and that’s normal. Just as not everyone enjoys spicy food or horror movies, ASMR isn’t universally accessible.

Is it bad if ASMR bothers me?

No. Being bothered by ASMR doesn’t indicate a problem. It may reflect heightened auditory sensitivity, misophonia, or simply a mismatch between your sensory preferences and the content. Avoidance is a healthy response when stimuli cause distress.

Are there health benefits to ASMR for those who enjoy it?

Yes. Studies have shown that ASMR can reduce heart rate, decrease cortisol levels, and improve sleep quality in receptive individuals. It’s increasingly used as a complementary tool for managing anxiety, stress, and insomnia—though it should not replace professional treatment.

Tips for Creating or Sharing ASMR Content Respectfully

Given the divisive nature of ASMR, creators and sharers should be mindful of audience diversity.

• Label videos clearly (e.g., “Whispered ASMR – May Trigger Misophonia”).
• Avoid overly dramatic or exaggerated sounds that may alienate newcomers.
• Offer non-ASMR versions or alternative audio tracks when possible.
• Respect feedback—some viewers may express genuine discomfort without being dismissive.

Tip: If sharing ASMR with friends or family, ask first. What’s soothing to you might be jarring to someone else.

Conclusion: Embracing Sensory Diversity

The stark contrast in how people experience ASMR underscores a broader truth: human perception is profoundly individual. Our brains filter the world through unique biological and emotional lenses. What calms one mind may unsettle another—not due to flaw or deficiency, but because of natural variation in how we process sound, emotion, and connection.

Rather than asking why ASMR divides us, we might instead celebrate that such a subtle form of expression can evoke such strong, divergent feelings. For some, it’s a sanctuary. For others, it’s noise. And both perspectives deserve space.

If ASMR works for you, use it wisely—as a tool for rest, focus, or emotional grounding. If it doesn’t, know that your reaction is equally valid. The goal isn’t universal appeal, but personal well-being. In a world of sensory overload, finding what genuinely soothes *you*—whether it’s ASMR, silence, music, or movement—is the true path to peace.

💬 Have a strong reaction to ASMR—positive or negative? Share your experience in the comments. Your story could help others understand this fascinating sensory phenomenon.